Sliding out of Unhappy Spaces

By now, with all the literature and articles available about depression vs. the blues vs. being out of sorts or just plain "blah" and other nomenclature used to describe feelings when you are other than content or outright happy or joyful, we know enough to recognize, stress from overwhelm from "burn out". Still there are days when we can't quite get a grip on the "down" feelings and even if we do intellectualize or analyze them correctly, we still may not be able to pull ourselves out of them. Sometimes we don't even want to pull ourselves out. Maybe we are too darn tired to do that. Still the nagging awareness that being in the dumps is not really where we want to be, causes us to make choices about what works best for us to move past them.

In the years ago sitcom Ally McBeal, she and other women resorted to eating their favorite ice cream right out of the 1/2 gallon cardboard container. In a world where women are forever watching their weight, something about that seemed right. Like we are entitled to do that when we feel sad or hurt so it was ok to eat large amounts of sugar right from the tub. Other people withdraw from interaction. Kind of like hiding out in your room 'til the dark clouds pass. Others use it as an excuse to be impolite, terse in response to others, pout, send people away. Some people sleep.

Over the years I've learned a variety of ways from clients and friends about coping with these heavy feeling days. Some of these may work for you or be worth a try if you have not tried them before:

*Narrow down and isolate specific reasons for your feelings.

*If the feeling is hurt, and you feel it in the pit of your stomach it's so bad, determine the very first time you ever felt this feeling. Does whatever is happening now that makes you feel this way harken back to the sensitivity that occured the first time? If so is the emotion exascerbated or intensified because of this sensitivity? If so, perhps you can re-evaluate it and find that this time it is not really as bad as it seemed.

*Are you taking on the woes of someone else? Is it beginning to engulf you? If so can you visually slide that burden off of you, particularly if there is no direct way for you to help in the situation for the other person or persons? You do not have to own the problem also.

*Are you a natural born worrier? Be conscious of it. Does the situation really require worrying? If so, is the degree of your worrying out of proportion with what the reality is? Move on mentally to other work, or interact with someone else. Get involved with something you like to do. Take some positive action.

*Can you reframe the issue? Is there another perspective you can gain from that issue? Perhaps you could perceive an advantage or some relief from the situation you had not seen before.

*Can you categorize the feeling as resulting from being overwhelmed and begin to prioritize and set goals for either accoplishing the tasks at hand or diminishing them by delegating or finding another way to bring you relief?

*Is the problem one of burn-out? If so you have been struggling with it for awhile. Make some plans for a new path of action to set your goals for. Take a rest, hot bath, jacuzzi. Have a massage, a pedicure. Play a pick up game of basketball, join a sports team set up in Parks & Recreation. Can't leave your computer? Play solataire or other games online during your lunch break if you can't get away. Watch low brow TV, anything that takes no effort, as long as you can enjoy it to some degree. Take time for your children - to just watch and enjoy them. Play with your dog or cat. Get a hug from a lover. Check your vitamin intake and get a blood panel done and a physical. Set some action steps to move through.

*Momentarily feeling stress from issues you usually can handle? Is there a physical component that causes you to be low on energy? Can you cut yourself some slack because of that and just be? Physical exercise, especially cardio exercise can reduce the negative feeling. Eat properly, forget the ice cream. Determine the stress and effective methods to reduce or eliminate it. You know how to do this within yourself because you undoubtedly have had to do it before. Sometimes little prayers help for some as well.

If you still feel like molten lead emotionally and are dreading continuing like that, help someone else with their problem. Tell yourself that you are not going to indulge yourself and wallow in the abyss any longer. Rather take action to move out of the deep hole you slipped into. Get on your own case! It's fine to remind yourself of people less fortunate than you are, but actually actively doing something kind, generous, or just listening to someone else express their problem or needs will help you. Becoming involved with helping others recover allows you to distract yourself from the either the comfortable negative space you find yourself in, or the higly uncomfortable, anxiety ridden, out-in-the-open vulnerability to the slightest discomfort space you might be in.

No one to help? Journalize. Write in a diary. Send an e-mail to a friend who will actually read it and respond supportively. Go to a class or seminar. Listen to a sermon in church. Read a novel or just peruse those magazines you never get a chance to read.

The sun will come up tomorrow as Orphan Annie always said. Make it happen. (Thanks Tim).

JUMP START SUCCESS NOW!!

There's something about summer that's left over from school days. When summer arrives, a lot of us kind of hit the brakes and coast a little as we go through these hotter months-especially if you are a teacher. That's not to say if you are an instructor that you sit around eating bonbons, not at all. Most teachers I know either teach other classes, summer school, or are busy preparing at least some work for the next semester. Even if you are not in teaching, September brings in a new year of sorts. That leaves the summer months to think about what you plan to do, need to do, or want to do for that upcoming time.

For many the Autumn months are a kick off time to make the second half of the year show the profits we want. It's not a time to slow down. But making that work means setting up plans and doing it creatively and effectively in order to take action that brings the desired results when we are ready. Often this involves introducing a new product, a new promotion, a new service- one that coincides with the season.

If you compete with others, your plan will involve excelling, if you are an entrepreneur- the summer may serve as a think tank to bring about results in the months ahead. All of this takes focus and the beauty of summer creates many distractions that hold us up. Often the thought is along the lines of: "Well, I have lots of time- the whole summer to do this." "I should be planning, but it can wait." That procrastinatination often leads to last minute preparation, and working under pressure. Working under pressure, even if you are good at it, creates stress. You, your body, your partner and family all feel it one way or another.

Group coaching to Jump Start your successes, whether it involves self growth, business development, relationship improvement or other endeavors, is an excellent process to get what you want. An incredible special summer rate of only $98.95 per month will be given each of you. 5 people to a group, tele-sessions are once a week for two months, with e-mail follow up and exercises to help you advance on your own as well. Groups can also be conducted online via video conferencing so that we can see and hear one another at the same time. To reserve a place for the July 19, 2010 sessions please e-mail me at docaurum@aol.com. We'll set up a time to talk. When you join, all information and coaching materials will be sent to you as well.

Looking forward to working together on your future-

COACHING WORKS DIRECTLY TO ACHIEVE GOALS

Coaching is so beneficial, whether I am availing myself of the opportunity or working in a co-creative process with someone else. I'm continuously amazed at how some of the non-essential areas that emerge during coaching are carefully put on the side and the main issue brought to the forward. It's exciting to see the steps that are taken toward solving a problem or making a decision and having not only clarity about it, but confidence that what you have discovered is so meaningful to you. Any issues held for another time are given careful consideration, but do not bog down the goal. E-mail re-caps too, help you to remember easily everything we covered. Contact me to set up a complimentary 20 minute session if you like. It's a tele-session so you can live anywhere.

Although I cover all areas of relationship interaction, I do work with individual needs in virtually any area that I am qualified for. I can also work with couples at the same time. I can do this with no extra charge for you in and audio and video session online if you like rather than on the telephone. Couple coaching is especially excellent this way and although I am on the West Coast, you could be in New York or anywhere is the states. Often my clients comment on how much they enjoy the face to face interaction also.

I hope you'll take a look at the CLEAR TRANSITIONS website and check out my background and services, products and fees.

Thanks for visiting and please check in often

Natural Health Cures with Cinnamon & Honey

You know that expression, "I'm trying to catch a cold?" I don't use it beause I think it's framed as a negative when I am trying to AVOID catching a cold. So right now, being that I am fighting a cold, a nice friend of mine sent me this information below. For those of you who prefer to go natural (and who doesn't any more?) take a look at the marvels of raw, local honey and cinnamon (pure- not cut with other substances).

Cinnamon and Honey ~ Honey can be used without any side effects for any kind of diseases.Today's science says that even though honey is sweet, if taken in the right dosage as a medicine, it does not harm diabetic patients. Weekly World News, a magazine in Canada , in its issue dated 17 January,1995 has given the following list of diseases that can be cured by honey and cinnamon as researched by western scientists:
HEART DISEASES:Make a paste of honey and cinnamon powder, apply on bread, instead of jelly and jam, and eat it regularly for breakfast.. It reduces the cholesterol in the arteries and saves the patient from heart attack. Also those who have already had an attack, if they do this process daily, they are kept miles away from the next attack. Regular use of the above process relieves loss of breath and strengthens the heart beat.
Arthritis patients:May take daily, morning, and night, one cup of hot water with two spoons of honey and one small teaspoon of cinnamon powder. If Taken regularly even chronic arthritis can be cured. In a recent research conducted at Copenhagen University, it was found that when the doctors treated their patients with a mixture of one tablespoon of Honey and half teaspoon of cinnamon powder before breakfast, they found that within a week, out of the 200 people so treated, practically 73 patients were totally relieved of pain, and within a month, mostly all the patients who could not walk or move around because of arthritis started walking without pain.
BLADDER INFECTIONS:Take two tablespoons of cinnamon powder and one teaspoon of honey in a glass of lukewarm water and drink it.. It destroys the germs in the bladder.
Facts on Honey and Cinnamon:It is found that a mixture of honey and cinnamon cures most diseases. Honey is produced in most of the countries of the world. Scientists of today also accept honey as a 'Ram Ban' (very effective) medicine or all kinds of diseases.
COLDS:Those suffering from common or severe colds should take one tablespoon lukewarm honey with 1/4 spoon cinnamon powder daily for three days. This Process will cure most chronic cough, cold, and clear the sinuses.
CHOLESTEROL:Two tablespoons of honey and three teaspoons of Cinnamon Powder mixed in 16 ounces of tea water, given to a cholesterol patient, was found to reduce The level of cholesterol in the blood by 10 percent within two hours. As mentioned for arthritic patients, if taken three times a day, any chronic cholesterol is cured. According to information received in the said Journal, pure honey taken with food daily relieves complaints of cholesterol.
GAS:According to the studies done in India and Japan , it is revealed that if honey is taken with cinnamon powder the stomach is relieved of gas..
IMMUNE SYSTEM:Daily use of honey and cinnamon powder strengthens the immune system and protects the body from bacteria and viral attacks. Scientists have found that honey has various vitamins and iron in large amounts. Constant use of honey strengthens the white blood corpuscles to fight bacteria and viral diseases.
INDIGESTION:Cinnamon powder sprinkled on two tablespoons of honey taken before food relieves acidity and digests the heaviest of meals.
INFLUENZA:A scientist in Spain has proved that honey contains a natural 'Ingredient' Which kills the influenza germs and saves the patient from flu.
LONGEVITY:Tea made with honey and cinnamon powder, when taken regularly, arrests the ravages of old age. Take four spoons of honey, one spoon of cinnamon powder And three cups of water and boil to make like tea. Drink 1/4 cup, three to four times a day. It keeps the skin fresh and soft and arrests old age. Life spans also increases and even a 100 year old, starts performing the chores of a 20-year-old.
PIMPLES:Three tablespoons of honey and one teaspoon of cinnamon powder paste apply this paste on the pimples before sleeping and wash it next morning with Warm water. If done daily for two weeks, it removes pimples from the root.
SKIN INFECTIONS:Applying honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts on the affected parts cures eczema, ringworm and all types of skin infections.
WEIGHT LOSS:Daily in the morning one half hour before breakfast on an empty stomach and at night before sleeping, drink honey and cinnamon powder boiled in one cup of water. If taken regularly, it reduces the weight of even the most obese person. Also, drinking this mixture regularly does not allow the fat to accumulate in the body even though the person may eat a high calorie diet.
CANCER:Recent research in Japan and Australia has revealed that advanced cancer of the stomach and bones have been cured successfully. Patients suffering from these kinds of cancer should daily take one tablespoon of honey with one teaspoon of cinnamon powder for one month three time s a day..
FATIGUE:Recent studies have shown that the sugar content of honey is more helpful rather than being detrimental to the strength of the body. Senior citizens, who take honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts, are more alert and flexible. Dr. Milton, who has done research, says that a half tablespoon of honey taken in a glass of water and sprinkled with cinnamon powder, taken daily after brushing and in the afternoon at about 3:00 P.M. When the vitality of the body starts to decrease, increases the vitality of the body within a week.
BAD BREATH:People of South America , first thing in the morning, gargle with one teaspoon of honey and cinnamon powder mixed in hot water, so their breath stays fresh throughout the day.
HEARING LOSS:Daily morning and night honey and cinnamon powder, taken in equal parts restore hearing. Remember when we were kids? We had toast with real butter and cinnamon sprinkled on it!
ARTHRITIS:In America and Canada , various nursing homes have treated patients successfully and have found that as you age, the arteries and veins lose their flexibility and get clogged; honey and cinnamon revitalize the arteries and veins. You might want to share this information with a friend, kinfolks and love ones
UPSET STOMACH:Honey taken with cinnamon powder cures stomach ache and also clears stomach ulcers from the root.

Language Patterns Start in the Womb

A recent article in an AOL news section describes a new finding which is that babies still in the womb are picking up elements of their parents native tongue. Up until now we have taught and been taught that children have to learn through their parents after birth to imitate sounds and how to communicate and what to communicate. When scientists recorded and analyzed the cries of 60 healthy newborns, born to French or German speaking households, the analysis revealed clear differences in the melodies of their cries based on their native tongue.

These researchers believe that the development of language is rooted in melody and the findings listed above support the idea. Music and language might have co-evolved for a certain time during evolution and share a primordial form of communication system, says Kathleen Wermke, a medical anthropologist at the University of Wurzberg in Germany. (November 5, 2009 -Current Biology).

What a fascinating bit of research. It puts me in mind of the many different documentaries and even films that demostrate the power of melody and the connection to language in other ways. I think first of slavery in the United States and how information was passed among African people to convey news and warnings and other information. In the film Australia, the young half white/half aborigine, called a "creamy" in a derrogative manner talks about his aborigine grandfather "singing it" to him. The "it" might be a location, an answer to a question, or even a request.

Because the research indicates that babies are hearing this in the womb first, and since we already know that babies can hear in the womb, singing to your child, reading to your child and Mom even cooing or crying influences aspect, tone, and patterns of the way your child develops his or her language.

Perhaps you have already noticed this in your own children or in the children of parents whom you know well.

CHASING THE BLUES AWAY

Often when I am coaching someone we begin to talk about obstacles that stand in the way of something they are trying to do or achieve. As the communication opens up I can make an assessment of the degree of sadness, depression, worry , anxiety or "low kinds of feelings" that are occuring for this individual. Being a licensed therapist allows me to understand and qualify needs that my clients might have accurately and that allows our sessions to really pin-point blocks or obstacles that they are confronting so that we can move beyond that.

Everyone has the blues now and then from women to men , (like the photos here are used to respresent the idea) teenagers and even very young children. Facial expressions don't always give people away, but sometimes posture, eye contact, lack of verbal interaction and socially withdrawing makes it painfully clear.

Examples of "deep sadness" presenting situations can be anything from a grief reaction over the loss of a loved one, death of a beloved pet or to the breakup of a relationship. Then again some depressed feelings can consist of long term chronic awareness of situations in which one feels trapped, or not being able to find a job, not having a partner to share life with or ongoing money problems. And having the blues can be short lived , but sometimes intense feelings of worry, or boredom or emptiness that fades or disappears when the next time something more enjoyable is happening.

When someone is trying to cope with depression and resulting behavioral probems , or a drug or alcohol addiction, I will refer that person to work with a competent psychotherapist. I refer to people I know and whose style of therapy I am familiar with. Although I am qualified to do that work myself, the field of coaching is not counseling and problems such as these require a different approach in providing help and usually longer therapy and work.

With individuals not needing counseling- we start with what the problem or area of desired understanding or improvement is right now. The process calls for getting the full picture, but for moving in the desired direction immediately. No weeks and weeks of getting childhood memories or dysfunctional family of origin limitations before the actual work of moving forward can happen. This is one of the true joys of coaching; progress happens from the first visit.

Feel free to give me a call at 760.956.3310 to discuss what it is you'd like to do and see if coaching is just what you might be looking for.

INTIMACY AND A CALVIN KLEIN BILLBOARD

This morning in New York City a giant billboard featuring another provocative Calvin Klein ad for underwear graces the people passing by, and not without stirring a bit of controversy. On the other hand a news station featured people of all ages looking at the new billboard and finding it perfectly alright, cool even. The billboard features a well known model/actress in a see-through bra and skimpy panties looking hot and sweaty, entwined with a male model who is equally damp and preoccupied with anticipation on his face as Eva Mendes begins to pull down the waist band of his briefs.

The fact that more and more individiauls are becoming so used to these ads and precursors that were even more racy has become the norm. People in NY City however are not the only ones more accustomed to seeing, hearing and speaking about sexual intimacy in all the many forms we are exposed to today and some people have become almost blase' about it. While this ad falls into the sexual intimacy category, in day to day relationships, intimacy takes on many forms.

In Beth Le Poire's book on Family Communication, Nurturing and Control in a Changing World, on the topic of human intimacy in general, she discusses emotional intimacy, which is described as a sense of closeness that you have with others on an emotional level. It represents the extent to which you can confide in the other person about your emotions and the extent that they can do that with you. Intellectual intimacy then is the extent to which you feel connected because you share a similar worldview and ideas of how things should be. It’s easy to talk about your thoughts with one another. You might find yourself on the same page all the time or feeling like you can read one another's thoughts.

We often don't hear the term recreational intimacy, but it represents the extent to which you and another enjoy time together in recreational activities. This could be sports, video games, walking in a park, fishing, and other kinds of mutually shared activities. This is shared not just in coulples, but in friendships too.

Social intimacy includes sharing social networks and doing things with others as a family. This can be a married couple going out to dinner with friends, your own family reunions. Overlapping can occur and the more it does –the more opportunity for social activities in and outside of the family. A new phenomena on Facebook (social networking media) is Farmtown, an innocuous game in which people can pretend they live on a farm and they can buy or gift animals, plants and other farm-like items. They can have neighbors as well and have a "pretend life" in this virtual location. Long hours are spent by people addicted to the fun while they interact with one another. Communication is taking place in a virtual make believe world.

Of course physical intimacy refers to how comfortable you feel being physically expressive with another. Physical intimacy is not just sexual intercourse. It can range from feeling ok about a touch on your arm, giving a hug, all the way to sexual intercourse. Sometimes there are physical expressions though without intimacy (a warm hug from a friend, or closeness that you sense or a kiss on the cheek from grandma). It’s how the behavior is interpreted and understood that represents the importance of that behavior in establishing, maintaining and reflecting intimacy.

The Klein billboard depicts physical intimacy and the visual suggestion that greater intimacy is about to happen. Certainly it stirs up feelings, both emotional and physical in viewers. Does it make you want to buy Calvin Klein underwear? Does it make the evening news thereby giving the clothier more advertising exposure? Does it condition us to more and more risque' or nearly nude advertising, movies, pictures, visual displays of all kinds? All the answers are problaby yes to those questions. What then is the impact, as time progresses , on the way couples perceive intimacy? Where will lines be drawn or not on what is acceptable ? Will this wreak havoc on establishng agreements for marital couples? Will it be a matter od discussion before getting married even?

We live in a world that is constantly changing and society continues to dictate for the most part what is acceptable and what is not. As the public accepts more and more freedom from the media and advertisers, are our norms within our marriages also going to shift into greater openess about intimacy?

In the upcoming months, articles regarding sexuality and intimacy will be offered here, as preparation advances for the publishing of my forthcoming book: Adultery is Universal, But I'm Getting Married Anyway (What To Know Before You Do).