Remembering Dad

When I was a little girl my dad's mom died. I was only seven and really did not understand death. I knew it was something not desired and that it made some people unhappy. I did not feel empathy for my father and he did not express sorrow that I was aware of. Instead he just seemed like the grouchy dad I often saw.

Tomorrow is the 2nd anniversary of the death of my dad. My mom, almost 90, is undoubtedly thinking about how much she misses him after 66 years of marriage. When he died - after deteriorating year after year with dementia, my poor mother, his care giver all that time, was passive, my brothers were distraught, my younger sister sad, and I was introspective. I never knew him well.

Grief is experienced in so many different ways. What may appear to be indifference may not be at all. What may appear to be overly dramatic may be exhausting, paralyzing emptiness and pain. Regardless of what we see, experiencing grief is so deeply personal and profound that understanding it in someone else is tantamount to impossible.

I have read that "normal" grief lasts about nine months to a year. Yet I have seen people close to me who seem the same as before the loss only weeks after. And of course I have seen people holding onto the memory of a loved one in extroadinary ways. Strange ways- to us- sometimes.

Today I'm thinking about the man who was my father. And it fills me with such a sad feeling that he is gone. And so I know how painful it is for anyone who feels loss and I know that talking about it is key to regaining balance or even just navigating the time after.

Hospice programs and workshops on dealing with grief are certainly available. Checking out what your local hospital offers is a good idea. A workshop I attended was presentd by Douglas C. Smith, MA, MS, M.Div., through The American Academy of Bereavement, www.bereavementacademy.org. I can strongly recommend it.

All these programs help because of communicating about what one feels or experiences and what methods or ways of grieving work the best for them. Coaching is a primary way of moving forward as it encompasses the same opportunity in confidential, one on one sessions, or for later down the road, perhaps even in a small coaching group environment .

Whatever way you choose to work through grief, remember there is always someone who will listen.