Taking care of a loved one who is ill becomes a personal sacrifice if the illness or injury lingers. For many adult children, a parent's inability to recover within a short time frame means giving up the lightness you may feel in your own life for a period of time. It's as though you are on an indefinite hold. Like an airplane that is ready to land, but can't because of the fog.
Often the caregiver, besides feeling physically tired, is dealing with many other emotions and feels continuously under pressure to put the other person’s needs first and foremost in their own lives. Sacrifice happens and remorse, sometimes resentment and ultimately guilt for feeling resentful. Adjusting and finding some degree of balance in your life at this time is difficult.
Some family members are gracious and accepting. Others may tend to avoid discussions regarding the parent or relative, vainly trying to keep their own feelings in check or trying to stay in a strong position to actually help you. This may appear as disinterest or avoidance and requires some skill in broaching the subject and allowing the family member to express what they too are going through. This requires listening skills on your part, adding more weight on top of an already heavy situation.
For some, this is a ritual, having lost someone dear to them before. However that does not mean that the intensity of the worry, concern, dismay and sadness is any less. For others there is a sureness that their loved one will recover fully, or even partially, while still others survive believing there is at least a ray of hope.
Caregivers for those with dementia or Alzheimer’s, or family or a friend recovering from a stroke are beset upon with overwhelming emotions eventually. Knowing that a partner or parent’s memory will decline monumentally and that anger, frustration and erratic behavior often occurs is like experiencing a double loss. It’s not just the concern for the afflicted one, but it is on top of the pressure of the responsibility and the giving up of time for yourself that you used to have hopefully, before accepting or having no choice to be the primary support person.
Having a partner who is sympathetic and empathic will unquestionably help with relief and support. Attending a group of other individuals who are in similar positions is also beneficial for those caring for others. But taking care, taking good care of yourself is of paramount importance.
This of course includes the basics which people tend to sacrifice the most, getting enough sleep, eating right and enough (not too much) and exercising as much as possible and as needed. It also includes getting others to give you breaks. Have someone else set up a schedule of available friends and relatives. Take a complete day and night away, leaving your loved one with someone you trust. Take time to have date night and time to be with your children or attend some function of theirs. Play with your pets. Visit with your own friends. Try to do some of the work you usually do with your job or profession. Use relaxation techniques, hypnosis, guided imagery, meditation. Even prayer is a way of shifting the responsibility for awhile to a higher power.
If possible activities with the person you love which range from showing them new technology, to scrapbooking, to reading to them, visiting, attending to what they might like to do, including, if ambulatory or in a wheelchair- taking them outside, going for a short walk, especially in fair weather is delightful and helps with both mental and physical improvement.
If the person you are caring for is terminal, the more you prepare, the more your period of grief will be manageable. If this person will linger long term, enlist outside help if you can and ultimately hospice. If your loved one is recuperating and will recover partially or fully, you have that to look forward to with a positive attitude and frame of mind. Planning for this happier time period can and will also help you balance as you make this transition as well.
For more in depth reading on the topic, please click on(or copy and place in your browswer)these links.
http://www.lakesidemilam.com/MedicalSupportServices2.htm
http://www.mylifetime.com/lifestyle/health/caring-dying-parent
http://www.caringinfo.org/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pageid=1
http://www.terminalillness.co.uk/caring-for-a-dying-parent.html
